The Exhausted Thinker

Christmas is over. Well, almost. There's an hour left in the day, but it will remain a private hour devoted to thought, contemplation, and silence.

I'm exhausted. At 38, I shouldn't be this tired, but the day has worn me slam out! What in the world am I going to do in ten years?! I'm going to be a mess.

The problem is, holidays are for being social and for getting together with family. Playing games, eating together, talking, etc. All of these things I love to do, but, at heart, I'm a thinker. I'm really a solitary type of fellow, and the social stuff, while enjoyable and very much a requirement per Sherry, is enjoyable, but it wears me out.

If it were left up to me, I'd be a hermit. But, that is not the lot I cast in my life. I mean, I have children, and they are very much like their mother. Even Aidan, my 15-month old, has a favorite saying. It's, "Go, go, go." He, like his mother and brother, want to get out and socialize. I, on the other hand, would rather huddle in the back room and read a good book or write.

Is there a problem with me? I mean, is this abnormal? I almost think it is. We have a lot of friends, and they seem to be the social type. All of my college friends were socialites. Not me. Therefore, I wonder deep down inside if I'm the problem.

I'm not a nerd by any means. I love sports. I love to workout (or at least I used to when my bones were in good health). I enjoy talking to people. But the longevity of the gathering is what gets to me. After an hour or so, I'm done. I'm mentally done.

I think my parents understand me. They have to after all of those years raising me. My in-laws, though, who are of the social mentality must think that I'm an outcast. I really don't mean to be. My heart is there. My mind is there. But, then, caput... I'm gone and done.

For Sherry, I'm really trying to do my best to fit in better and act like a socialite. But, it just isn't me. I'm another actor on a stage. However, as a good husband, I need to be there for her doing the things she likes. And she does give me my space to be a hermit, so I can't complain.

I guess I am on a road of discovery. One in which I'm trying to find out if I'm normal. I doubt that I'm like everyone else in this regard. If I decide that I'm abnormal, I'm not going to share it with you. I prefer to leave my flaws out of the public eye! But, if I decide that I'm part of a large population of hermit-wanna-be's, then I'll fill you in with that. After all, there's safety in numbers then!

Well, goodnight. I'm tired, and I'm going to bed to hopefully have some peaceful reflection before the sandman fills my eyelids.

The hermit....