What is "Change?"

I was reading this month's edition of The Reader's Digest just a few moments ago. I love that magazine because it allows me to read without thinking. There's nothing wrong with saying that. Their articles are short and very much to the point, and I like the diversion of being able to read something that doesn't force too much contemplation. And since I'm not a huge fan of popular fiction, it fits in very nicely with my reading schedule.

Anyway, one of my favorite categories is their "Quotes" section. Usually, they are very witty and funny, and they dig up quotes from some of the most unlikely sources. I didn't know that George Carlin, Conway Twitty, and Yoda could be so philosophical about today's issues! I guess it proves that there is a spark of intelligence everywhere you look -- you just have to look for it sometimes.

In this issue, there were quotes of all sorts about "change." Since this is the January issue, I suppose that the focus is on the new year, and the topic of change is appropriate since we all have our New Year's resolutions to make (see the last post for my exhortation of what should be everyone's first resolution this year).

Change is a funny thing, you know. And that's what we're really vowing to do when we make a New Year's resolution. We are implying that we are going to stop doing one thing and start doing another. That is change. For this post, I would simply like to look at change for what it really is.

We all fail with the majority of our resolutions because we fail to change. Most of the time, our resolutions are based upon what we hear other people say about us, and that makes us want to stand up and state to the world that change is going to happen. Rhetorically speaking, it is natural to want to do this, especially when we hear it preached from others. We want change, right?

Well, no. The truth is, when we make resolutions, and if those resolutions are based upon a want that we create from someone else's exclamations, we are put into a position where we cannot change, and we are destined to fail. That is why the overweight can never change their habits, even after making the claim that they are going to lose weight year after year. They fail because, most of the time, they want to lose weight because they hear it from others that they need to lose weight.

You can make the case for all kinds of resolutions, not just the tried and true weight-loss resolution: saving money, being industrious, being better to our spouse, giving more to the poor, etc. These are all good resolutions, but if they are based upon something from the outside that motivates us, then more than likely we are not going to follow through with that resolution.

Let me tell you where real change takes place, and where the real resolution is kept. It must come from within. I know this for fact. If it does not come from deep inside your heart and soul, then you will not change. Let me explain with a true story:

For years, I've been overweight. I could justify it for a long time because I was a competitive weightlifter, and I enjoyed being big. However, as with all good things, the weightlifting career came to an end, and I was left as a big and bulky fellow. Sherry, my wife of almost ten years, met me at the height of my weightlifting career, and she accepted the fact that I was big. However, my weight did concern her, and when I stopped lifting, she asked me to consider my health and lose the weight. I still remember that very night (in a steakhouse, of all places) when I told her that I would lose a ton of weight before we got married. Do you know what happened? Not only did I never lose the weight, I got bigger before the wedding, and, over the next nine years, I continued to get bigger and fatter.

Year after year, Sherry would get upset that I would not lose weight, and for a long time, it caused a lot of strife in our relationship. The pattern was the same: "Mark, you're too big. Lose the weight," she would say. "You know what, I'm going to lose the weight, and I'm going to look good by Christmas," I would retort. Then, I'd try to lose the weight, and for whatever reason, I'd quit, and then I would start eating like a horse again, gaining more weight than I'd lost in the first place.

Over time, I'd get more and more irritated by her demands that I lose the weight, and the more tricks she tried to use to get me to lose weight, the more I would fight back. It was just not meant to me. Until....

Last year, I woke up in the middle of the night gasping for breath. I couldn't breathe. My heart was fluttering like never before, and I was scared. I thought that I was having a heart attack. I finally fell back to sleep, but the next morning, I woke up, and I told her that it was time -- I was going to lose the weight. I'm sure that she did not believe me. She'd heard it a hundred times before, but I was serious that time. The "resolution" became truth because it came from within. After that, I joined Weight Watchers, and I started a workout regimen that was unbelievable, and I lost a lot of weight during a four-month period.

Unfortunately, there have been some real medical issues that came up during that time that caused me to interrupt my weight loss. However, the battle of the bulge was only delayed, not lost. I never lost my belief in losing weight, and now that my doctor's have told me to start going after it again, I am, and I am losing weight again. Not because Sherry bugged me about it, not because my family was concerned, not because of anyone making fun of me, but because I wanted to. I had a deep-seated belief in my heart and soul that I needed to lose the weight, and that is what has proven the difference.

You see, change is not a normal thing for us. It requires breaking old habits and starting new habits. It's difficult, it's hard, and it's abnormal to change. We are programmed to stay the course, as our current President likes to say, and we do not want to change. Unfortunately, many of us need to change our ways, and we have all stated that our country needs to change its ways through this past election. But will we actually change?

Over the next few days, you will be forced to question changes that you want to make. Over the next four years, our country is going to be forced to question changes that it wants to make. The real issue is, are these changes going to last, or are they going to be something that we begin and quit just as quickly?

Whatever changes you want to make in your life, take time to think about them carefully. Don't just blurt out changes so your wife, mother, or neighbor will hear them. That's for their sake, not yours. Challenge yourself to make changes that you believe in -- those that you know affect you and others. Make those changes that only come from deep inside, and leave the pundits' exhortations for themselves. If you do so, you will be happier next year than this year because you will have changed yourself for the better because it did spring from internal desire. And isn't that where true happiness originates anyway? Inside? It does, and we need to be happy with who we are and the things that we do. If we are not happy, or if we are scared (like in my case), then we can change.


Happy New Year!